When I pitched this blog idea to Nick and the rest of the group chat, Nick rattled off the days of the week he drinks the most beer. First of all, his response not being “all of them” was a major red flag. Secondly, that’s not what this blog is about. This is about days of the year when it’s best to drink beers.
Some of these will be very specific and some will be very cliché. This list also isn’t all-inclusive. However, like all of my lists, it is definitely the end-all-be-all of lists of days it’s best to drink beer on. This cannot be argued, although you may take any grievances up with my secretary, Tugginz, the tugboat captain.
While every day of the year can be argued as a good day to drink beer, some are more special than others. Some days you can (and should) have more beers than others. Some days you can’t drink as many, especially if you’re on what they call a ‘diet’ (I have absolutely no clue what that is, Ryan just keeps talking about it lately).
This is by far my most researched blog to date, and I doubt any will come close to the amount of research I have done for this. Years upon years of practicing drinking beers to the point that I think I have drank at least one beer every single day of the calendar year collectively throughout the years.
I have chosen not to number this list; these are all number one in my heart and cannot be ranked in any specific order. So, without further ado, here is my list of best days to drink beer:
- Anything Involving In-Laws
Yes, I’m starting this list off with an absolute HEATER pick. Gotta have something to get your attention, right? Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my in-laws. But there is nothing better than yuggin some brewskis when you’re around them. I don’t know which is better: pounding beers with cool in-laws or sneaking your booze and progressively getting drunker and drunker without anyone (hopefully) noticing (until your brother-in-law brings up politics and all of a sudden Thanksgiving has now turned into Wrestlemania).
- Thanksgiving Eve
Statistically, this is one of the biggest days in alcohol consumption every year in the United States. Everyone is back in town visiting, families are together, and you’re drinking to forget the tryptophan-induced coma, the Lions & Cowboys embarrassing themselves yet again, and the ensuing Wrestlemania chaos of the following day. Plus, Thanksgiving is one of the best days ever to be hungover. Actually, I’m declaring it so. Thanksgiving Eve there are no rules. You can do whatever you please, because you know no matter how stupid you act that night, you won’t be nearly as embarrassing as a cousin or uncle the next day.
- The First “This Smells Like Day Drinking” Day of the Year
This usually comes in mid-spring, although I have had this day happen in January (especially in Texas) or even as late as May (thanks, Ohio). You know exactly what day I’m talking about. You step outside, whether it’s 8am or noon, take a deep breath, and say, “damn, I really could use a beer right now”. You pull out the grill, click the tongs twice, and assert your dominance on the neighborhood via smoke signals in the form of smells.
- Any Day of Golfing – Regardless of How Good or Bad You Do
You know why I never went pro in sports? Because in baseball, I couldn’t hit curveball, but in golf I can. Probably the most overused joke of my childhood, thanks Pops. I am probably the worst golfer I know, but nobody will drink more beer on the course than I do. Nor will anybody eat more nasty hot dogs at the turn than me. I don’t play because I’m good.
- Graduation Parties
Your kid could graduate from Kindergarten for all I care. I’ll slip him a twenty, and you just provide a cookout and a cooler of beer. Well worth my $20 cover charge, and your kid is happy that someone showed up to their party. Don’t ask me his name or what he looks like, I’m there for one thing and one thing only.
- Family Reunions
Do I really need to elaborate on this one?
- Memorial Day/Fourth of July/Labor Day cookouts
Merica, f yeah. Really though, this is what George Washingmachine or whatever his name is fought against the British for. So we could crack cheap, shitty beer and eat copious amounts of *very* unhealthy food, all in the name of celebrating his legacy. Thanks, George!
- St. Patrick’s Day
The day of my people, filled with great beer and even better food (although Ryan’s a hater and will disagree). What isn’t there to love about this gluttonous holiday? Rivers get dyed green, everyone swears they’re Irish, and some dudes wear nothing under glorified skirts. It’s an all-encompassing family holiday. Move over, Saint Nick.
- Opening Day of Baseball
Okay, most of us know I’m not a big baseball fan. However, there is nothing that beats ice cold beers and a few (too many) hot dogs with Ballpark Mustard (IYKYK) on opening day, even if you’re not at the game.
- Any Summer Day When You Worked Outside All Day
Any of my fellow tradesmen or women know what I mean when I say this. Getting home and cracking that first beer after dealing with the heat and the elements is as refreshing as anything else in life. The Fountain of Youth wishes it could fulfill as well as this beer.