Four Laps. Four Beers. ENDLESS GLORY.
The slow march into January means an endless string of fitness and health related goals. 95% of us are going to fail before February. My suggestion is to combine your fitness with your avocation and train for the prestigious Beer Mile races held at a local track near you. I don’t want to bore you with the rules, which you can find here. I want to give you some tricks and tips from me, a former collegiate runner, current Cicerone, and over-competitive jerk.
Don’t Be Proud…Go With a Light Beer
I know, I know. If you are reading this, the odds are you have all but sworn off light beer in most forms. However, believe me when I say you will want to rethink this for race day. There are 1760 yards in a mile. Conservatively, that will be about 1000 steps you’ll take during the race. Imagine jumping rope a thousand times with four IPAs in your gut. Yeah…bad idea. The closer to water you have your beer, the better off you’ll be. I can’t promise you won’t vomit by the end, but it will help.
Practice Drinking Cold Beer (And Fast)
I’ve seen great runners and I have seen great drinkers line up for the Beer Mile. Contrary to what you may believe, the better drinkers will typically outpace the runners. My expert opinion why is is that you can will yourself to run a mile, but finding room for that many beers in such a short time can end your race prematurely. Get used to packing in 48 oz of ice cold beer in a short time. Also keep in mind you will have to do it while breathing heavily, which is much harder than you would think. OR you can just train to break the world record in the mile, in which case you can enjoy your beers during the race.
DON’T Carbo Load
We’ve seen The Office. We’ve seen the fettuccini alfredo scene. Take it from me – a mile is not that long. Any food in your stomach will only weigh you down. Keep the refinery open and spare room for the liquid gold that is soon to come.